Friday, November 28, 2008

Last Entry for Now

Dear Friends,

I am home. I arrived back to Seattle nearly two months ago. It is wonderful to be back. To say the least, I did not expect it. When I was in Armenia I was telling friends and family that when I got back it would be more then likely that I would be depressed. Not for a long time, but for a significant portion, a month or so. I imagined myself in bed, shutters drawn and feeling a sense of hopelessness. Living in a country where I don’t want to be living with a society lost and my purpose lost.
Talk about a downer!
But I convinced myself it was necessary to go through this period in order to accept my being in the country and that it would be the exact catalyst to lead me into something else. My future.

Well it turns out when I got back I was not depressed. Fuck, I wasn’t even unhappy. I tried to be depressed. But as I laid in bed, I could not help but feel an underlying calm. I knew that I was exactly where I needed to be and I really felt that everything would be okay.

Can I tell you what I love? I love being home because it is so so so good to be home with my family. In Armenia I learned to appreciate family in a way I could never have imagined before. I really treasure the times with my mom especially. And its crazy, because usually when I would be annoyed or feel resentment or whatever my issue is, now I naturally pull back and just love her. I am enjoying being with my mom right now, even in the “ugly” moments. You know how cool that is to say as a 24 year old?! Amazing. I don’t know how long it will last, but I’ll take it for now. Precious. So that makes my time here lovely.

Also, you know what else makes it lovely. Friekin’ people brought back hope to me. By Obama being elected that shows a shift in consciousness that I have only prayed and complained for. That shift, is what made me cry when the newscaster announced he won the election. I love how after election day I felt a sense of community, even through sitting in a car without much interaction. Community was created not through a tragedy like in the past, with 9/11 for example, but with an event that is based on happiness, change and inspiration. We came together, not out of necessity but out of joy.

It was incredible. So I am excited to be here for the FIRST time in my life. Now when I see an American flag I smile. Nausea doesn’t fill me with accompanied hatred of hypocrisy, rather exitedness and gratitude. Never before have I identified as American, I always claimed to be “Americanized.” I hope that as years pass, America can grow into its dream and then I could only aspire to become “American.” One day.

Friends, I don’t know if I will be keeping a blog anymore. My travels were cut short and my time in Armenia is over (for now). Now I hope to find a job that is meaningful and worthwhile and stay tuned for the next call in my life.

If you want to check in, to see where I am at, I would love to share with you.
Email me, connectwithv@gmail.com.
Thank you so much for being on this journey with me, no matter what interval it may have been.

Love to you and may you be as true to your Self as you can.

Alongside of you,
Viktoria Simonyan


Furnace